"You are what you eat". We've all heard it. It also means what ever your choice in crappy snacks are during a Saturday football game, it reflects on which team you're a fan of. And in no specific order:
Kansas- Krunchers
Both were ginormous and a flash in the pan. They were pretty good and addictive for mainly retards. Pretty trendy for a little bit, but after about a year, everyone had enough of them. Plus, they are full of fat.
Colorado- Sun Chips
Like Colorado, Sun Chips are underrated. They sucked for awhile, but they're on their way back up. Still, not the best chip around but has huge potential. My burn out neighbor likes them too, which means they have to be popular for "activities" in Boulder.
Kansas State- Funyuns
I realize this may be hard for you to believe, but in a past life, we were known to partake in some 'munchie needing' activities every once in awhile. With that said, K-State and Funyuns were great a few years ago. Now they are played out and everyone is embarrassed to be associated with them. To put it bluntly; they are fucking terrible.
Nebraska- Cheetos
Like the Huskers, I've hated Cheetos from Day 1. They are over-hyped and you're left disappointed. Both things are an effing mess and always reliable to make you feel terrible. Each have a cheesy mascot pimping their lameness.
Iowa State- Andy Capp Hot Fries
These just make you shit horribly. Never a good call.
Mizzou- Pringles
Both are pretty flashy, and flew under the radar for awhile. That cylinder thing is pretty efficient. EFFICIENT PEOPLE!! Nobody could sell it for awhile, but finally, people are coming around.
Okie State- Munchos
Cheap, and each always sound great to take at the time. Regret sets in about five minutes in and you know how the girl I lost my virginity to felt at the time.
Oklahoma- Chex Mix
OU and Chex Mix are a mix of a whole lot of goodness. They are always excellent until they get to the very end, when you finally realize that they suck. The build up is great only to be letdown like a homeless kid on Christmas morning in the end.
Texas Tech- Blazing Buffalo & Ranch Doritos
Acquired taste. Both have been known to hit the spot, but could easily cause projectile diarrhea. It's a touchy situation around them. Basically 50/50 that it could either quell your need or make you shit a brick five minutes later at a truck stop in Lubbock.
Baylor- Lays with Olestra
Both are a horrible choice. Ok, even though they are really bad, you can't hate them because they always try to make you look better than what you really are.
Texas- Original Ruffles
Each were the only choice for a long time, but after being copied by several others, these are becoming more bland. They still get the job done more time than not.
Texas A&M- Bonanza Potato Chips
Both always leave you wanting more. An underachieving rip-off of a more successful brand (Ruffles). Seem to only be favored by white people living in the ghetto.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
2008 Big XII Teams As Potato Chips
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37 comments:
Funny stuff Big Head!
Great stuff. I just put a post up at DXP with this.
Funny stuff...
As a Husker fan visiting via Sammy's DXP post, I've got to request one caveat: NU should be upgraded to "Flamin' Hot Cheetos". You eat a bag of those and your eyes start swelling up, you feel like your ears are on fire and you start to break out in hives. I don't know what that's all about, but it seems alright with me to be associated with it. Plus, "Flamin' Hot" makes us sound gay and I'm sure making us sound gay is right up the alley of many of your regular readers.
Oh, that and I think Texas should've been those Texas Grill Fritos...if only in memory of Mitch Hedberg.
Good stuff though, I'll try to come around more often...
I'm going to start a chip brand called "ASSPOUNDER CHIPS" just so you can replace the one for kansas.
Excellent as usual. Lest ye forget, the inventor of the Pringle was buried in one of those crisp tubes.
How this relates to Mizzou, I have no idea.
Nice Hedberg drop.
I thought of "Flaming Cheesers" which is the cheap Aldi brand of Cheeto's. Had a buddy eat a bag of those and he was destroyed for about three days. I was trying to find pictures to go with all of them, which is the reason some of them didn't get compared to what I really wanted to. I just couldn't find some of the pictures.
Well done sir. I was expecting a "Flamin' Hot" reference towards KU, but I like what you did with the Krunchers. BTW, I think Quin used to cut his 8-ball with Pringles...just sayin'
This is an instant classic. BTW has anyone ever had Uncle Ray's potato chips? I've only found them around Columbia but they're the cheapest chips you can buy and they are FANTASTIC. Highly recommended.
Until AJ mentioned Munchos a couple of weeks ago, I had never heard of them. They must only sell those in Missouri....
Uncle Rays? I think I saw them at Menards once. When I saw they had an expiration date about a year away, I quickly put them on the shelf.
Mike- the fact that Menards sells chips should have been a big enough red flag. It's a stain remover, glue, and snack in a bag!
Munchos are pretty good, but it feels like a bomb went off in you not long after. I think I saw them in Council Bluffs too. Well, that doesn't say much either :)
"Flew under the radar for awhile"? Buddy, you've been under the radar, for, uh, your entire existence. You weren't flying under it, you were walking a broken-down Vespa under it. Expect Gary Pinkel to return Mizzou to suckitude as soon as Maclin and Daniel move on.
That said, the rest was spot on. Great post.
Did you finally realize OU sucked after they beat your ass (TWO TIMES!)? Hope you enjoyed your week at #1.
OU shits the bed in the bowls. 'Nuff said. That would be "The end of the season"
Hilarious post, I love it
I am a Husker fan, but I do share your opinion of Cheetos... They suck. Hilarious post!
The real question is when does Chase Daniel's special "dip" hit the market? May be awhile if the chef keeps sampling the product.
Good stuff. Sun Chips are so deceptive too, they make them out to be good for you but when you look at the nutrition, they are kinda wack. Perfect in fooling us Boulderites.
cheetos are awesome, dipstick.
Poooor aggie!
That was so funny I pooped my pants!!!!!! HAHAHA....LOL!!!!!
Was that supposed to be an attempt at British Humor or something? I really didn't get it. Either that, or humor at an Elementary level. I remember poop and fart jokes were pretty funny back then. Seems like that was your "Go-To" when you just couldn't find anything clever to say. Like 95% of the list.
And I hate OU with a passion but they owned your ass, and have for quite some time. At least ya'll beat them in the Chip List, that's something to brag about!
Sorry I'm not one of your Homers that eat this up. And how dare you defile Mitch Hedberg by mentioning him in this turd attempt at comedy. In the end, I guess it's to each his own.
Not bad and I appreciate the laugh. I wonder if you were saying O K L A H O M A couldn't finish in the Big 12 Championship game? Just another Sooner Title, psst...we have SEVEN NATIONAL TITLES, and more Big 12 Titles than any team = finishing. Yes, that beats NOT A DAMN THING that Mizzou owns in football, who ironically, CAN'T FINISH. One game away is something to remember though. Thanks again for the laugh, on so many levels. BOOMER!
Jeez, OU fans can't read through the lines? You guys have sucked in bowl games. Great during the regular season, but horrendous in the bowl games over the past few years. I am glad to not see you on the Mizzou schedule this year. Like I mentioned in the B12 title game 'Morning After' post, OU kicked our ass. Plain and simple. The regular season game was a good one in Norman, but OU got the best of Mizzou again, but it was at least a game until OU pulled away late. So it's not a slight on OU's regular season, where they rake. It's the bowl season where they've sucked. Got it?
And as far as Anon at 2:50, the parting gifts are at the door. Poop/fart jokes are the rock on what this blog was created. Could have gone to the stable of 'Mom jokes' I have, but I didn't. And I hate British humor, so nice try. Since you're a huge Hedberg fan yourself, you'll know the line:
"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. "
Come stronger next time.
Surprise, Mizzou was the only positive comment in the bunch.
God I hate you people.
this sounds like a whole lotta Mizzery bullshit to me!
Anon 8:45-
You the 'Corn Ridden Shit' guy? Hadn't seen you in awhile. Actually, I hadn't heard from you since early October. Something happen around then?
Big Head,
I'm and OU fan and you've got the post season thing with the Sooners dead on. We suck in the bowls (except 2000 Orange Bowl) but maybe this year the Sooners will play until the end of the season.
haha,
i loved that kansas one.
and the colorado one is true.
im not a CU fan but they are a great team
Damn! I'm goin to miss those brain cells.
Sam Bradford 2, Chase Daniel 0
This was a stupid blog. It could've been better if not written by a 13 year old. Only in Missery... Enjoy your time at the top. CU and NU will escort you from the chip party soon.
And when was the last time misery won a football championship? Not gonna happen this year either...
I would say Missiouri is more comparable to "Soy Chips". You know they came out with a bang with those health nuts, made a lot of noise for 2 or 3 years and now then faded back into obscurity. I don't believe they are even available anymore so they are likely to remain in obscurity. That's a better match for the Tigers if you ask me...but I guess that's only if we are talking college football.
I love reading many of the Random Hero/Anon comments coming from Husker fans. Any surprise that Kool-Aid was created in Nebraska? They drink enough of it in Lincoln.
This is dumb. Stop wasting time and go study for your GED.
Well, I guess some times underachieving can raise up and smack the shit out of the original, I guess Ruffles can't hold up to Bonanaza Potato Chips when the chips are on the line!
Ha.. Funny! Any bag of chips or teams that can cause anal leakage or explosive diarreah can only leave bad juju...right? haha
http://www.therivalrystreetparty.com
The reason we here at Uncle Ray's Potato Chips are able to have such a long shelf life is:
1. Potatoes go from harvest to chips in a matter of hours in some cases
2. We use very, very pure oil.
Chips go stale for one of two reasons.
1. Hole in the bag
2. Impurities in the oil eventually make the chips rancid.
Hmm.. I guess I like lists today.
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