History of Victory Whiskey

The history of Victory Whiskey is a long and hallowed tale of one drunken night which has led to many long drunken nights/mornings/mistakes.

The tale of Victory Whiskey goes back to September 2005, where Sleezy and I were in his split house playing a board game while his daughter was supposedly sound asleep. As I was whipping his ass in Axis & Allies (of course as the Allies) I stand up authoritative like Churchill and declare that “I’m going to take a piss and grab another drink before I whip your ass”. Morning turned into day and then into night, and several drinks in, I marched my infantry allied ass into the kitchen, grabbed new glass, and made an 80/20 concoction of whiskey and Coke. It was a nasty bastard, but I knew it had to be downed.

As I sat down to roll the dice, the flammable drink’s odor caught Sleezy off guard; off guard enough to ask “What the fuck is that?”. Unlike FDR, I stood up triumphantly and proclaimed “It’s Victory Whiskey”. And with the sweet taste of gasoline and cola, I ran through Sleezy’s defense like Austin Scott thru a mickied college girl. It has been the only time I’ve tasted sweet victory in Axis & Allies against Sleezy, and I offer the sweet nectar of Victory Whiskey as my reason.

Later in the night, his four-year-old daughter woke up and came out of her room to see me drinking another glass of Victory Whiskey when she asked me if I wanted “to see how daddy makes his beer”. I, of course, said yes and proceeded to the kitchen. At that moment, she pointed to the shitty bottle of Captain Morgan Black Tattoo “and then he puts in soda”. That is the anti-Victory Whiskey, aka “Taste of Defeat”.

Victory Whiskey is now a wide array of drinks (not just whiskey; beer, bourbon, rum, rubbing alcohol, etc.), only to be drank while whipping ass or after ass is therefore whipped. It can be drank after board games, wiffle ball, video games (preferably RBI Baseball), and of course after your team dishes out ass whippings. And Victory Whiskey is to always be devoured after Mizzou wins.